Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
