'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
