So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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