We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
