gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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