Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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