1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hippo gnu deer
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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