hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
