Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
