Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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