Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
