hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
