I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
