He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Couch. On fire.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
