I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
