I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize