I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
