Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think your dad took our porno
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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