Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
