his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
