Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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