I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
