Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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