I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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