you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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