oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
