guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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