you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
