Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize