It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
