you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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