Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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