I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
