Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
