Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
