"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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