im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
