I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
