I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
