I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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