Your dad touched me again.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
