let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
