The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
