If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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