Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
