im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
