Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
