Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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