you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
