Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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