I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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