I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
