Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
