So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
