i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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