It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Randomize
