God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize