Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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