I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize