oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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