So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize