It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
try to milk me bitch
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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