Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
