I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
