Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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