the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
