They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
