Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
