If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
