Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
