Already got asked if we're dating
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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