I love black thongs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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