Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
