I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
