Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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