We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
