Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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