I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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