you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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