the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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