I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
