I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Randomize
