Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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