Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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