He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
