I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
