You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
