saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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