Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
