Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
