I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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