Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
