making cat noises will not fix the situation.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
