I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
