you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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