What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize