Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
one might say we're banned from that church
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
