Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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