puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
