none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
