how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
