I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
